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| The Daily Blog |
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Happy Fun Poetry
Deep in the heart of Happy Fun Pundit lies the soul of a poet. No, wait. Deep in the heart of Happy Fun Pundit's backyard lies the body of a poet. No, that's not it either. Although we must admit that Jewel gives us ideas.
Anyway, here are some poems and song lyrics.
Boy Bands Come Out Against Price Discrimination
At a press conference late Friday, members of the popular band "Back In Struck Sink Street Boys" denounced the pharmaceutical industry for practicing price discrimination in different markets. Lead singer Dan Bass, the "bad boy of the group", was emphatic:
"Dig it, discrimination is bad, yo."
Not-Quite-as-Lead singer Dan Perch (the cute one) nodded knowingly, and counted in as the rest of the band (Dan Northern Pike, Dan Crappie, and Jon Lovitz) busted a move. The official transcript reads as follows:
Girl, maybe he's read his Von Mises
But I'm the boy who knows what pleases
Yooooooooouuu
Break it down!
Got disutility of labour
But girl, I am your lovin neighbour
Never gonna stop working for you no
Girl, you'll always be my free rider
Can't think of a rhyme die pee glider
Research new ways of lovin you, shoop!
I know those are costs I won't recoup
Sure it's R and D investment lost
But girl, I'm yours for marginal cost
Bring it back!
Discrimination's what I won't stand for
Girl, there's no elasticity in my demand for
Yoooooooooouuu
Peace out!
From a New York Post article on the capture of a man who appears to be one of Osama Bin Laden's chief lieutenants, Abu Zubaydah:
"There is no question but that having an opportunity to visit with him is helpful," Rumsfeld said.
'Twas the Third Day of April
Twas the third day of April, and all through the East
Not a creature was stirring, except a rough beast
The sensors and landmines concealed in the sod
Were set to help terrorists meet with their God.
Al Qaeda was nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of martyrdom danced in their heads.
And I, having lived through their unfriendly fire,
Settled down for a nap in this brutal quagmire.
When out from the sentry line came a great bark,
And I thought, "Don't they know we can see in the dark?"
I sighed and forgot about sleeping that night,
And picked up my rifle and looked through the sight.
With nightvision sensors and infrared gear
It could've been noon, I could see things so clear,
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
But a small APC full of captives and beer!
With a squinty old driver in a grey single-breast,
I knew in a moment it must be SecDef!
More frightened than rabbits, his prisoners they came,
And he grimaced and squinted and called them by name:
"Usama Bin Laden! Abu Zubaydah!
Abdelkarim Hussein Mohamed Al-Nasser!
I bet that you wish you'd stayed hidden in Lahore,
'cause now you're guests of the US Marine Corp."
He opened a beer that was gone in a breath,
And said, "This is more fun than meeting the press."
He nodded at Laden and his little group
Said, "They sing like canaries if you feed 'em Froot Loops."
Then he glanced at his watch and said "Gracious me!",
"It's time I was catching my flight to DC."
"Can I ask you to take care of this little mess?"
"I think that the tall one has things to confess."
Then he brushed off his suit and polished his specs,
And passed around beers to the gunnys and techs.
And I heard him exclaim as he dashed out of sight,
"And never forget that we fight the good fight!"
Japanese Artist Once Again Attempts To Suck
Last Tiny Bit of Life From Husband's Corpse
Imagine there's no Yoko
It isn't hard to see
Erasing all the garbage
That came after "Let It Be"
Imagine all the Beatles
And thirty years to play...
Imagine if John Lennon
Did not go off the tracks
Never caught the mindworm
That causes Ono-phants
Imagine all the talent
Without the bloodsucking poseur parasite
You may say I'm a dreamer,
And you're absolutely right,
But a guy can wish she'd just shut the hell up,
And fade into richly-deserved obscurity.
A Haiku for Osama
Hiding in a cave
Somewhere in Afghanistan
Freezing my nuts off.
Thank you. I'll be here all week.
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