I didn't know Buddy, but I know his type. He was a retriever. A good, faithful, sturdy dog who would happily dive into any stagnant swamp on a cold day and drag a dead carcass back to his master, and keep doing it all day. And why? Well, because, it's a retriever's job. We dogs take our jobs seriously. My job is to entertain a small four-year-old human and to help keep her safe. Buddy's job was to look after Bill Clinton. And while my job involves being dressed like a goddamn peacock and sitting in front of a picnic blanket surrounded by Barbie dolls, Buddy's job was much more difficult.

Being the dog of a president is no walk in the park. You never know if your master's affection is real, or whether the sneaky bugger is just giving you a scratch because the cameras are rolling. Some of them pick you up by the ears, and others relegate you to 'The Ranch' because you can't get along with the damned cat. And why should you? We aren't supposed to get along with cats. We hate cats. Don't try to make us like cats.

Now, I know a lot of people have criticized Bill Clinton, but he always struck me as a real dog man. I mean, come on. He's from Arkansas. He wouldn't have felt right without a dog on the porch of the White House. And he probably let Buddy stick his head out of the window of Marine One on the way to Camp David. And seeing as how he received Buddy a few days before the Monica thing broke, they probably spent a long time sleeping together in the doghouse.

Buddy did his time at the White House, and then retired with Bill to New York. His life was cut short, but at least he went out in glory, trying to strike a blow against the demon automobile.

So here's to you, Buddy. You stuck by Bill when no one else did, because that's what dogs do. And you attacked Hillary's cat, because that's what dogs do.

And then you tried to catch a three thousand pound car with your teeth, because that's what dogs do. I'm not sure why we do that last thing, because somehow it doesn't seem sensible. Oh well, I’m off to go scratch myself. See ya, Buddy.