Mysterious Stranger Enters Democrat Race

Loveable unknown Clint Billion is seeking the Democratic presidential nomination, saying that he feels that "the ketchup guy, the army guy, the loud pissed-off guy, the crazy goof from Cleveland, the lawyers, and those other guys? Not good for America."

There was yet another surprising development in the race for the Democratic presidential nomination today when "concerned citizen" Clint Billion threw his hat into the ring. Billion, who describes himself as "just a regular guy, not a career politician but an outsider like the German guy everybody voted for in California", announced his candidacy with a short speech:

My fellow Americans, I have decided to run for president because I love this country, and as I survey the candidates seeking the presidential nomination, I do not see anyone who represents the average American, anyone who can feel their, uhm, physical discomfort. I see some pretty cool guys --- how you doin' there, Howie? --- but no candidates of the caliber seen in 1992 and again in 1996, thanks to the unfairness of the law limiting presidents to two terms. If elected, I promise to bring back the good old days -- 1992 to 2000, for exampe --- and focus like a, a, phaser on the economy. Thank you.

Billion's campaign manager, who bears a strong resemblance to an evil Mr. Clean, pointed out that the dark horse candidate already enjoys strong support among the rank-and-file of the party, with nomination papers signed by hitherto-unknown party members with names such as "Arrytay Cauliffemay" and "Reallyhay Hamrod Toncil". According to Mr. Clean, "Mister Billion is just an average guy who loves his country and fears the direction that it's being taken in by the current administration. Plus, he can beat any of these shmoes. And that eerie sense of deja vu you get seeing and hearing him? You should ignore that."

Posted by Steve at October 15, 2003 08:50 PM