Hollywood Proposes A "Third Way"

Stung by criticism that they are faulting the Bush administration's Iraq plans without offering any alternatives, Hollywood has come forward with several plans to "Win Without War".

The first plan, known by the code name "Operation Good Saddam Hunting", proposes sending a hirsute but loveable psychotherapist to talk to Saddam, whom everybody knows is his own worst enemy. Eventually, the Iraqi strongman will confront the inner demons that cause him to seek weapons of mass destruction, and, having conquered his fears, tearily forswear violence in favour of a career in the theatre, winning wide acclaim for his portrayal of Puck in "A Midsummer Night's Dream".

"It's not your fault, Saddam. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. Saddam, it's not your fault. Who's fault isn't it? Saddam's. Do you want me to hold you?"

Plan B, "Operation Funny Girl", involves having a beautiful female spy work her way into Saddam's inner circle, and have the dictator fall in love with her. At first, she only pretends to love him in order to manipulate him into revealing where his weapons of mass destruction are, but then she falls in love with him for real, and when they confess their true feelings for one another, they come up with a plan to get rid of the WMDs and thwart the plans of the evil President who sent her, and plans to invade Iraq anyway.