hoot HOLLER hoot HOLLER hoot HOLLER

... approximates my reaction to this NY Times article on Donald Rumsfeld's comments in Munich. The NY Times author did not see fit to point out the irony of this brouhaha taking place in Munich, in light of the events that transpired there in September 1938.

A few paragraphs that should have been in the original article were omitted; fortunately, advanced Happy Fun Technology has been employed to redact the article to a more fitting state:

Mr. Fischer recounted Germany's arguments for international inspectors to continue their efforts in Iraq, especially given new intelligence disclosed last week by Secretary of State Colin L. Powell, and he contrasted those arguments with the American case for military action.

"I am not convinced," Mr. Fischer said. "This is my problem."

Rumsfeld then smacked Mr. Fischer in the head.

"You convinced now?" asked the American Defense Secretary. After Fischer did not reply, Rumsfeld smacked him again. "How 'bout now? [smack] Now? [smack] You convinced yet? [smack]" Fischer, crying like a little girl, tried to crawl under the podium, shouting that "Schroeder made me say that!".

Rumsfeld kicked the German foreign minister one last time, muttered "Lousy Hun" under his breath, and yielded the floor.

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Kofi Annan, the United Nations secretary general, said today in a speech at the College of William and Mary that the United States should not try to break the Security Council's unity on Iraq and that it should take time for "patient" negotiations before rushing into war.

Rumsfeld then smacked Mr. Annan in the head.

"Unity? What unity? What planet do you call home, space man?" After Annan did not reply, Rumsfeld smacked him again. "Are you from Venus? [smack] Huh? Men are from Mars, Kofi's from Venus? [smack] Is that it? [smack] How do you like these negotiations, spaceman? [smack] Patient enough for you?" Annan, attempting to hide behind audience members, yelled that he was going to tell Nelson Mandela on Rumsfeld, and that Mandela and his wife Winnie would fix Rumsfeld's wagon but good.

But here's the real jaw-dropper:

The influential Der Spiegel weekly, in advance copies released today, reported that France and Germany were considering a plan to deploy thousands of United Nations peacekeepers and hundreds more weapons inspectors to prevent military conflict in Iraq.

Livid American officials denounced the fact that they first heard of the possible plan from reporters.

"That's not the way to have a winning hand with the United States," said a senior American official. In fact, the official said, Mr. Rumsfeld asked the German defense minister, Peter Struck, about the report, and was told, "We're not ready to talk yet." The American official indicated that the United States would not support the plan, citing the failure of United Nations forces to prevent massacres in Bosnia.

A German government spokesman confirmed that the two nations were working together to find a peaceful alternative to war, but he declined to give any details.

When asked about the Der Spiegel reports, Rumsfeld did his grimace-squint thing, and said "Yeah? Sounds kinda unilateral to me. Anyway, they gonna get the eight guys to walk to Iraq from Vichy?", noting in a single pithy sentence that only America has the logistical wherewithal to do much in the way of large-scale troop movement, that the countries that provide the bulk of the UN troops are on his side, and that the French and Germans are weasels. And old.

Posted by Steve at February 8, 2003 04:05 PM