Set Phasers on Stupid

Until now, I haven't thought much of watching the new Star Trek series Enterprise. The one episode I watched seemed likable enough, but the story was a little muddy and I didn't know the characters, so I had no real compelling reason to tune in to the next episode. So it fell into that TV wasteland of shows that are okay but always seem to have been on the day before I remember to watch them.

But not any more. Now I have to tune in. Because The Nation hates it. That's all I need to know to tell me that watching will be a worthwhile experience.

See, I figured the Star Trek franchise was due for retirement. Over the years, it has gotten completely incoherent and lazy, much like the writers at The Nation.

In the review linked above, Donna Minkowitz laments the passing of the faddish socialism that oozed through "Star Trek - The Next Generation". God, I hated that crap. Every time some smarmy Star Fleet officer looked down at some poor inferior race and said, "Money? We no longer need money." I wanted to scream, "GREAT! GIVE EVERYONE A BIG FREAKIN' STARSHIP THEN!" I mean, presumably there must be some way of allocating resources, or everyone would live in their own personal floating cities.

But like socialism in the real world, the socialism in Star Trek depends on ignoring uncomfortable little details like, 'Not everyone can have everything they want.' Even in a world of replicators and immense wealth, there must still be scarcity. What about works of art or ancient relics? Can I just walk into the Federation museum and help myself to the 10,000 year old Andorran tantric love crystals? I'm having a party, and last time those cheap Klingon love crystals gave me a terrible rash. Or maybe it was the Klingon.

Anyway, Ms. Minkowitz continues attacking Enterprise on similarly specious grounds. Consider her take on the 'new' Vulcans: They are portrayed as being elitist, restrictive, pushy, geeky. So the natural assumption Ms. Minkowitz makes is that they are supposed to be metaphors for Jews. I think this says a lot more about Ms. Minkowitz than it does about Star Trek, because when I think about elitist pushy geeks, the first thing that comes to my mind is The Nation.

This is how she describes science officer T'Pol:

A caricature of a bitter woman of color, obsessed with human (i.e., white) evils, bleating endlessly about self-determination for Klingons and other people whose names sound dumb to humans.

In other words, T'Pol would be right at home at a NOW rally. Instead of whining, Ms. Minkowitz should be happy that Star Trek has finally captured the all-important Andrea Dworkin demographic.

Finally, Ms. Minkowitz hates the fact that Captain Archer loved his father and grew up playing with toy rocket ships. She sees a 'heavy Freudian element' in all this. You know, 'cause rockets are long and pointy, and because Dad had a big one. She describes a scene of a small boy playing with a toy rocket with his dad as him "Literally trying to get it up." One suspects that Ms. Minkowitz sees a 'Heavy Freudian Element' in her breakfast cereal.

Of course, it would be ludicrous to even think that little Johnny plays with rockets because he LIKES ROCKETS, or that he hangs out with Dad because he loves him. That would never do, because then our intrepid writer wouldn't be able to use killer lines like, "In the show's iconography, T'Pol represents a castrating woman as well as a scheming racial inferior". Because everyone knows you can't have a good feminist diatribe without getting the word 'castration' in there somewhere.

Anyway, Enterprise is on Tuesday nights on UPN. Be sure to tune in. The Nation hates it, and that's all you need to know.