American Taliban Defense Team Wants Court to Wear Flower in its Hair

Lawyers representing American Taliban John Walker Lindh are at it again. This time, they've asked for the trial to be moved to San Francisco from Alexandria, where, they contend, a fair trial cannot be had due to proximity to the Pentagon. In a statement before the court, Lindh's defense team said, in part:

Your honour, not only is this venue inappropriate due to its proximity to the Pentagon, which was severely damaged in the September 11 terrorist attacks, which my client deplores, had nothing to do with, and had no knowledge of --- why, just the other day, he was saying to me, boy howdy Mister Lawyer, was I ever puzzled when those American guys showed up and started asking me questions, which I didn't answer at the time because neither of them said "Simon Says", because what would American guys be doing questioning a hog-tied yet peaceful and America-loving student of Islam, which, I hasten to point out, means "peace", and then there was that whole prison uprising thing, man, don't get me started --- anyhow, so, yeah, the venue sucks. Plus, Mr. Walker can't get a trial by a jury of his peers here --- I have looked again Virginia, your honour, and I must say I am struck by the complete absence of freaky youths whose hyper-indulgent hippie-dippy parents encouraged and funded their teenage kid's solo excursion into extreme Islam which included dropping out of school for long trips to Middle Eastern countries, wearing a turban while visiting Ireland --- and your honour, you may have noticed my name is Brosnahan, and yes, I do have a touch of the blarney, and I have to say, it'd take a boy of rare courage to pop around the pub wearing a turban in the old country, and hearing about that just made me want to hug the boy and say, don't you know it's gonna be all right my brave brave boy, but then he would say get your Satan-worshippin' hands off me, infidel --- anyways, your honour, my client is a unique and precious snowflake, and while Alexandria's a lovely town, it's a little short on peers of John Walker Lindh.

The prosecution interrupted once to object to Brosnahan's claim to have a touch of the blarney; the judge sustained the objection and ordered a notation that Brosnahan is in fact full of shit be entered into the record. The judge also reprimanded Brosnahan for using the longest run-on sentence in recent legal history.

If the change-of-venue motion fails, Lindh's defense team is by no means out of ever-more-cunning legal maneuvers. A quick peek at their play book revealed the following: