More Light Posting

Gar Smith, who edits The Edge, the online magazine of the Earth Island Institute, speaks out against electricity in this interview. While Brother Gar is headed in the right direction by speaking out against the vile flow of electrons, he overlooked the most insidious and destructive form of energy known to man. And it's an easy mistake to make, because it's so common and so ubiquitous we hardly even notice it, even as it destroys our lives.

I'm speaking, of course, of Light.

Einstein gave us the first, best clue. Is it a wave or a particle? Why, it's neither, it's either, it's both. If you ask a person, "Do you love the Earth, or are you an evil lickspittle running dog capitalist imperialist globalizationalist?" and they answer, "Uh, I'm not sure", would you lend that person your pedal-powered sewing machine? Hell no! They don't know who they are, you don't know who they are, so they'll have to learn to sew by hand.

But maybe that's just identity politics. Maybe that's Light saying, "I'm hedging my bets on the whole particle-wave duality until it's clear which form has been more victimized, so I can be in the right reparations line when the time comes." That's only fair. But before we invite Light to marry our sister, let's take a look at his family. Nice bunch of regular folks, right?

Wrong. His closest relative is infrared radiation. You never seen him around, but he's always where things are hot. He's heavily involved with the military/industrial complex; seems he's good at finding his way around in the dark, giving his high-tech soldier-boy friends the unfair advantage of seeing in the dark.

But hey. Every family's got one rotten apple, right? What about Light's other brother, ultraviolet? He's pretty cool, ain't he? He was involved with a lot of really neato posters back in the 60s and 70s, and even today turns up in a lot of discos and nightspots. Just a good ol' boy looking to enjoy his evenings, right? Well, what the mainstream media won't tell you is how this creep spends his days... slowly destroying everything he touches: fabrics, building materials --- oh, and your skin. That's right, you can thank ultraviolet for sunburn. Where's the New York Times expose on that? I'll tell you where it is --- the same place as the "UV Index" that used to be on the front page of every newspaper, before we decided that the ozone wasn't important. Oh, and by the way: ultraviolet radiation, oxygen, and ozone are all mixed up together, but don't hold your breath waiting for "scientists" to explain it.

The rest of the family is even worse. Microwaves. X-rays. Gamma rays. Television. The Voice of America.

But that's guilt by association, isn't it? Maybe Light is the one shining beacon of hope in this despicable company. Surely Light has some positive social features?

Consider a sleeping family. They're together: a cohesive family structure, snug in the beds, visions of fair-trade sustainable sugarplums dancing in their heads. Bliss. Love. Contentment. Togetherness.

And then the sun rises.

And everybody has to get out of their comfortable beds. Thanks a lot, Light... that the worst you can do? Hell no! The sun's up, so Mom and Dad have to go to "work", and the kids have to go to school --- well, of course they need Light! Without Light, they'd have to stay home together and enjoy one another's company, and we couldn't have that, could we? Merciful heavens, no!

Without Light, there'd be no way to tell the colour of a person's skin --- "Character is who you are in the dark!", observed the great social activist John Worfin --- so we have Light to thank for racism. Light is the great enabler of lookism --- judging people on how they look. Without Light, nobody would ever have to hear others say "You're a short, dumpy unemployed guy --- if you want to call yourself an environmental activist, that's your business!" Think of good times you had as a kid, singing around the campfire and telling ghost stories --- what was missing from that idyllic picture? Yeah, that's right --- Light (other than the eco-friendly sustainable light provided by the campfire, of course). Without Light, there'd be no call for fancy packaging of consumer goods, reducing litter. What are the kids buying and wearing at so-called "raves"? Light sticks (or "stix", as they're called in "raver" lingo). The list goes on and on.

So why don't we hear calls for restrictions on Light? Where is the anti-Light legislation to protect the working man? I'll tell you where --- bound up in the iron grip of a vast Light wing conspiracy. The manufacturers of sunblock and sunglasses, the awning makers, and the bedding plant growers have unbelievable political power. The sun-junkie agricultural lobby has even more. The newspapers need light to be read by, so they ain't gonna say boo. The radio and television interest groups fear that any action against electromagnetic radiation, even if initially limited to the visible variety, might spread to other parts of the spectrum. Don't expect support from the makers of Marlboro Lights (which are supposed to be better for you than "regular" Marlboros!), or the purveyors of "light rock" (often paired with "less talk" to make it more palatable), or the sellers of lite peanut butter, light reading, dance lessons (tripping the light fantastic), or any business classified as light industry. One popular horror movie exhorts a little girl to "Walk towards the light!" The founder of a certain major religion (well known for its association with questionable causes) was fond of saying "I am the Light of the World", so you know which side his followers are on... the "Sun" of God, indeed.*

No, the only voices raised against Light are those of a few brave, lonely souls, hiding in the shadows and whistling in the dark. But we, the forces of darkness, will not be silenced.

Turn out the lights, people... before it's too late.

Footnotes